Guess who's going back!

I've never liked November. It's the beginning of a series of cold, snow, and more cold. But I my feelings for November have improved now that I know I'm going back to Cameroon in May!

I'm going back. I'm going back!! I'm beyond excited! I'm ecstatic, thrilled, overjoyed! There is so much excitement in my heart I feel like I'm going to explode.

And I'm going with a team! Adriana, who went with me to Alaska, and Jessica, from Wycliffe are for sure going in May, and then there are a least two more girls and a guy who have expressed an interest in the application. We're praying they apply and we get one or two more people, because then it would be a perfect team number.

This time I'll be going to the Ndop Plain, which is in the same place as I was last time, although not the same village. This is the first picture that showed up on Google Images.

                                                 

I think it looks pretty nice. I don't know what it'll look like when I get there, though. It will just start to be getting cold and rainy when we get there, so I think the weather will be lovely.

We will be working with the translators in ten different villages. They are all working together to translate the Bible and they are all in different stages of translation. I'm not sure exactly what we'll be doing, but mostly literacy encouragement and learning. Lots and lots of learning. We're going to be taking classes in the language of whichever village we end up staying in!! It's so exciting!

I'll start posting more often to keep everyone updated on how the team is coming along and what we're planning. If you could be praying for more people to apply so that the team God is planning will come together soon, we would really appreciate it!

God has provided so much for me in the last few years and here He is again, providing me with more. My God is an awesome and all-powerful God and He is in control. Praise Him!

Faith and Depression

Everyone loves to hear about missions. They love hearing the stories of spiritual warfare. They love to hear about difficulties and how God brings people through the troubles. These stories bring the body of Christ together, even though we are spread out across many lands and over the seas.

But what about when darkness overcomes and the missionary cannot continue on? No one likes to hear the story of how depression came into someone's life, and they just could not continue, so they had to come home. People like even less to hear the story of a life ending because of depression. But that is the story I am writing today.

Now, if you are someone who does not believe depression can affect Christians, I am glad you are reading this. Imagine you were suffering from something which no one else understood and all your Christian friends kept saying, "Just trust God more." "Your faith isn't strong enough." Have we all become Job's friends? God gives us problems so we can grow from them. And He does not always bring us out of them.

I can think of one amazing Christian who has had a huge impact on me who struggles with depression daily. Her faith is strong and she trusts God with her whole heart. So when my mom starts to despair does that mean she has lost her faith (putting aside all arguments about 'losing your faith')? Has she turned from God in order to focus on herself? No. God is leading her through a rough time, when her body has decided not to make the correct amount of chemicals, but God is right there with her. And the episode will not end with an epiphany, "Oh, I need to work harder, trust more, pray more." It will end with her waking up one day and being able to do something.

God writes our lives so they can be a story for everyone else. He wants us to glorify Him in all we do, but that does not mean He will keep us from suffering. My mom deals with depression everyday. Has she asked God to heal her? Has my dad not prayed for healing? Our church and pastors? Me? Countless times I have prayed and cried, asking God why He would make someone suffer with depression, why He would do this to my family. My journal is stained with the tears and angry pen-strokes of a young woman who just wants an answer and a reason. But the answer I receive is always the same: "Watch what I can do through her life."

And look. My mom has a heart and a passion so deep for the broken. She gives of herself to help those in need. She has raised three wonderful children (if I do say so myself) who are mindful of depression and who know the pain of it firsthand. Because of my mom, we are all able to deal with it when we have encountered it in either ourselves or our friends. My mom has dealt with everything in her life - there is so much more to her than the depression - and she can talk to anyone. She understands. When I think of what she has come through, I just want to praise God and tell the whole world of how He has worked in her life.

But I know of another Christian, a man who had a very strong faith, who was overcome by depression. I met him a few months ago on my trip to Cameroon and he really showed me what a missionary should be to the people he is working with. He had lived in Cameroon for forty years, spoke their language, was married to a woman there. To me, someone who has grown up constantly around missionaries, he was the epitome what a missionary could be. Yet, even after all that, he still committed suicide.

Depression hit him when he was 70 years old. I only knew him for a short time and definitely do not know everything he was struggling with, but I know what his son has told me. Mr. Grebe was dealing with the pain of separation from family, being a stranger in the land he had made his home, and translating something which he felt spiritual strife translating. I do not know which one hit him first or the hardest, but I cannot begin to imagine the pain he went through.

Can you imagine living somewhere where the language spoken every day was not your native language? Where you stood out so much because of where you had come from, but all you wanted was to fit in and give to the community? Can you imagine not being able to talk to your family for months? Knowing you may never see them again in your life? Can you imagine being asked to do something you did not believe in? Put yourself in his shoes. He was surrounded by God all day. Everyday he saw the beauty of His creation and was able to study His word - translating the Bible was his job, after all. When I was with Mr. Grebe, he started everything with prayer and spoke of God often. Everyone who knew him knew he was a Christian. But he still felt depression and, sadly, gave his life to it.

But do we suppress this story because it ended tragically? How do we reconcile depression with our faith? How can we say our story is one of love when so many of our people suffer? We must tell stories like this to everyone. We must understand God brings everyone through sufferings. We must know that our God is an amazing, loving, comforting God. Is there any better way to reach a broken world than to show them how broken we are ourselves?

If you are struggling with depression and read this, I encourage you to go to your pastor or someone in your church you know has struggled with depression. Please also go to a counselor or doctor to receive medical help. You do not need to be ashamed. This says nothing of your faith, or the kind of person you are. It just means you are struggling with something, and as a body of believers, we all need to pray for each other.