A prayer request

Well, I'm still in Bamenda. Totally called that one. Hopefully I'll be leaving today, but who knows. I talked to the guy who is taking me to Babanki this morning, and he said we'd probably leave around noon. It's almost 2. But apparently all the chapters and readers are ready and have been rehearsing, so, Lord willing, this will go faster than Awing and Pinyin. Not because I think I'll hate Babanki, but because I'm supposed to go to another village next week and don't want to take time from them

I've been feeling kind of down for a few days now. It's partly missing my family and friends and a washing machine, but I think it mostly has to do with I'm not feeling like the work I'm doing is as much as everyone says it is. Don't get me wrong, I know that having a recording of Luke is great and will do really well in the villages. It's wonderful for all the oral culture that this is. I just don't feel up to the task. I'm no trained sound technician professional person. I'm just a second-year linguist student who has never done anything like this before. Sure, I know how to use audacity and I can edit the recordings and do the work. God has giving me the ability to do that. There's just something not right about it. Let me try to explain.

Every time they pray, they pray and thank God for me. They say I'm such a blessing and have been sent by Him to do marvelous things for the community. And it's all I can do not to run away and start crying. Anyone could do this, if they were trained in Audacity. This isn't difficult work and the native speakers would be better at it, too. There'd be no risk of them cutting out something important because it sounded like a mistake. All I really do is press buttons all day. I do know that God has sent me here and that the work I'm doing is important. I just... I just don't feel like the right person for the task. The only times I ever feel really right is when I'm talking to people and explaining my vision or hanging out with kids. Then is feels like I'm doing something. Like maybe I've helped out a bit with spreading the gospel, like I've made a bit of a difference.

I do feel God is guiding me and giving me discernment while I edit the recordings. I just feel like there are probably countless other people who are better qualified than me. But I can't just stop, you know. I've been given this job and I'm going to see it through, definitely. And I know God is on my side, else wise I'd never have made it to Cameroon.

Now, I'm not looking for your pity. I just figured since I'm still in Bamenda I should write a post while I can, but the way I'm feeling I couldn't write anything happy without feeling fake. Don't get me wrong, fun things have happened, like yesterday I got lost and a guy named Patrick tried to convince me to come to his house, but I declined and told him my name was Sarah because he seemed like the type to ask around about me. He told me he'd write a song about me. But no, I just wanted to let anyone who reads this know that I could really use some prayer. I'm not going to let this job go undone and I'm going to do my best, I just feel, not like I'm giving too much to God, because we have to give everything to God, but that I'm not really the one for this job. I obviously am, because God sent me, not anyone else. There's just a little war raging inside of me, going back and forth about what on Earth I'm supposed to be doing and why.

But it'll be okay! I have you, faithful reader, praying for me, and I have God guiding me, and His Word speaking to me. And I have a sack of potatoes feeding me. (I'm sorry I keep bring that up, I just honestly find it so hilarious.) Whew. I feel better already, having written all that and knowing now people can pray specifically for what's bothering me. I'm going to keep trucking on and living by faith. I have to trust God, always. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, not matter what the circumstances are. Paul was writing about just living and having God strengthen him. "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13 It's pretty encouraging. If Paul can go to jail and keep up his ministry, I can do these recordings!

BTW, the Pastor just called. We're living right now. God is good.